Will I ever get it together?

Today I told my friend Marianne that I'd pick up her daughter from school along with Kaitlyn since I would be driving them along with 2 other 5 year olds to dance. No problem right? So I go about my day doing all of the mom stuff that fills up every day, and as I send Kaitlyn off to kindergarten I think to myself "a nap would be perfect right now" especially since I was yawning every 30 seconds. What do I do? I set my alarm so I will wake up in 1 hour and have plenty of time to shake out the cobwebs before driving down to get the girls. I even put the phone beside me on the bed with the ringer on low in case someone calls (the "mom, I just threw up" calls always seem to come during a nap). Then I curl up on the bed, having been so responsible in making sure that I won't sleep the day away.

The next thing I know, I'm looking at my little alarm clock that I'm holding in my hand for some strange reason and it says it's 2:54 pm. My first thought is that my clock is obviously NOT working because I set the alarm for 1:30 pm and I hadn't heard it yet. That's when it hits me - the alarm is in my hand because I turned it off in my coma like sleep. 2:54 pm? School gets out at 2:50 pm, so I have 2 kindergartners who are either on the bus when they shouldn't be, or they are crying their eyes out wondering why Kaitlyn's mommy didn't show up. This is when I run around the house looking for the phone, mumbling words that I know I shouldn't say (hello! didn't I put the phone right beside me on the bed? Why am I wasting time running around looking for the stinkin phone?).

I finally get a hold of Marianne and the school and explain my complete LACK of responsibility. They help me pick up the pieces like good friends do, and we actually make it to dance on time. Just when I think I might possibly be getting it together - life throws me a curve ball and I'm not even standing in the batter's box. Sigh...maybe someday it'll happen, but that day obviously is not today.

Treadmills are a necessary evil

The time has finally come when I trudge downstairs to my treadmill at 5 am instead of running outside. It saves my lungs from the freezing and often smoggy Salt Lake air, but it sure does come at a cost. One of my favorite things about running is the simplicity of it all. I run to a certain spot, then I turn around and run home. That's pretty much it. When I'm alone I just think my crazy, jumbled up thoughts and sing silently along with my ipod. Lately, I've been lucky enough to run with Maureen, and we get to talk about family, politics, the crazy economy, and anything else that might seem important at the moment.

But on the treadmill it's a different story. There are numbers blaring out at me know matter how hard I try to ignore them. Numbers relating how fast I'm running, how far I've gone, how many calories I've burned, and if I really feel like it, what my heart rate is. And even though Maureen meets me in my basement at 5:10 (I certainly wouldn't get up at that insane hour if I didn't know she would be counting on me to be there) we can't discuss much over the monotonously loud hum of the treadmill. It's kind of like eating fat free icecream - It gets the job done but isn't ANYTHING like the real thing. It's a means to an end, a necessary evil.

We are as the Army of Helaman

Sometimes watching my kids go through the tough lessons of life is a painful thing. Sometimes, friends can be mean, bullies abound, and homework is tough. Sometimes we aren't in the "in" crowd, or we don't feel a part of any crowd. Sometimes we have to do things over and over again, and we still never seem to get them right. With all of the things that seem to shift with the wind in a child's life, I suddenly felt an enormous need to teach my children that some things are constant. No passing fad, shifting view, or changing opinions have an impact on whether or not these things are important.

So we read from the Book of Mormon about the Army of Helaman, yes those 2,000 strippling warriors who fought for the cause of freedom with such strength, bravery and faith that not one of them died in battle. All of the them were wounded mind you, but not one of them died. "How amazing is that" I asked them. They seemed to be quite impressed, but then I told them, "do you know that you can be just like Helaman's Warriors?", which they didn't seem to completely believe. Caleb struck a fabulous fighter pose, and asked, "Can I wear a knife in my sleeve?". I had to explain that this was not the kind of warrior I was talking about. I meant that they could be like "Helaman's Warriors" by surviving life's daily battles with their heads held high. Wounds are inevitable, but our integrity can and should stay intact.

We decided that Helaman's Warriors were true to 3 very important things: their God, themselves, and their family. When it comes right down to it, nothing else matters very much if you don't have those three things.

Just today Caleb came home from school and told me of an experience he had standing up for himself to a bully on the bus. We celebrated with a hug & high five. Way to go my little warrior!

Girls Night Out

It started with yummy Italian food, and then after a crazed search for parking, we were off to the main event. The main event? The Reba & Kelly Clarkson concert at the Energy Solutions Arena. The girls on a night out? Me, my mom, Kami, her friend Tonya, and Kassidy. After a frantic rush to our seats (3rd row dead center I might add) we barely had time to catch our breath before the concert began. I don't remember what they sang first, but man alive, those ladies can sing! And they sang for 2 hours straight, and of course we danced & sang right along with them. That is except for mom who certainly can't stand that long, and Kassidy who fell asleep halfway into the concert. But when she was awake, she did me proud! Dancing and singing along with the best of them. What an amazing, giddy, glorious girls night out!

Just a tad neurotic

For some crazy reason, I have to have a full glass of water beside my bed in order to go to sleep at night. Two-thirds full or even three-fourths full just doesn't cut it. So last night I had my glass of water at my sink as I was brushing my teeth. Mike came over to take medicine for his headache using MY glass of water, and then stood patiently behind me as I finished. I looked at him in the mirror and asked "So, are you just waiting to see if I'll fill it up again?" He laughed and nodded yes, and then I proceeded to fill up my glass of water to the very top. As he turned to go into the bedroom he said, "That's why I love you baby, you are completely comfortable with your neuroticism". Touche' and I just gotta love him back!

5 am comes mighty early

I have a couple of girlfriends that I workout with in the mornings. Now, I'm pretty obsessive when it comes to getting enough sleep, so for the past few weeks I've been thinking about why in the world I roll my hiney (spelling doesn't count on blogs does it?) out of bed at 5 am every morning. I mean, it is pitch black, I'm nearly delirious, and everyone else in my home is still snug in their beds sleeping. I know that I do it because it makes me feel strong and all that...but, I've concluded that if I'm really honest with myself, I do it because it is one of the ONLY things that I do in this life that is just for me. Sometimes I think as we become husbands & wives, moms & dads, employees, employers, and followers of our faith, we can easily forget to spend quality time just on ourselves. Five o'clock in the morning has become that little piece of heaven that I have carved out just for me. As exhausting as it may be, dang it sure feels good!

Our week was exciting because...

2 teeth were lost! Caleb lost one of his two front teeth while playing with classmates on his field trip. This was a good thing, as it was so loose that it was literally pointing straight out (No lie!). He still hasn't put it under his pillow, but is saving it in his sock drawer. I had to convince him that the tooth fairy will only come and take it if it is under his pillow. Right now he just thinks it is too cool looking to part with. Kaitlyn lost her first tooth EVER while she was in kindergarten. She cried at first because it scared her, but then was excited to be getting so big. She placed it under her pillow as soon as she got home from school as the prospect of money is much more exciting to her than a cool looking tooth.

I bottled peaches! No that is not a misprint - I seriously bottled peaches & peach jam - and I seriously loved it! This was my first time bottling anything, as I made a promise to myself when I was young that I would never bottle anything. Don't ask why as it is a complicated answer, but oh the naivete of youth. I'm finally learning to never promise myself that I will never do something based on ideas that I honestly know little about (buying the minivan starting breaking me in to this new doctrine of "never saying never", as I had also once swore that I would never own a minivan). Needless to say, oh the practicality of adulthood. I must also say that I did it with 2 of the greatest girlfriends. We had such a fabulous time. Chelsea & Maureen - you both rock!

Kassidy and I went for our first run together! How cool is that? Hopefully it will become a regular activity. I told her that running is such a great thing to do together, because we can do it together for years to come. "That is until you are old and get arthritis" she told me. Very true, yet not something I enjoy being reminded of.

With the economic chaos swirling around these days, I just thought it would be nice to think about the simple things that make life good.

September 24th

My little sister will probably want to kick me for putting this here, but she says things so well that I had to do it. My mom married Lynn Balmforth when I was seven years old. The next year they gave me the best little sister ever - Kami Balmforth. If you know her, then you know why I say that. She is strong, smart, talented, and down right hilarious. Lynn died right before Easter in 2000. Though it's been over 8 years, it still hurts like hell. One of the hardest parts about him being gone is watching my mom and sweet little sister without him. It hurts when people you love die, and it hurts even more watching people you love live on without them. So here is a little tribute from Kami to her dad, and I just had to share it. Kami, I love you! Just an explanation to those who didn't know Lynn, he collected pennies. Jars and JARS of pennies.

september 24th...

i don't like to reminisce about my dad. he's dead, i miss him, yada yada yada. i don't like to end up in a sobbing mess. i don't like it when my mom cries. i don't like to be out of control. but a few things have happened recently so he's been on my mind quite a bit, way more than i prefer. so obviously i need to purge. this summer mom and i tried to kill two birds with one stone by visiting dad's grave and then traveling to bear lake. don't try that, because it takes you about a bazillion hours in the wrong direction and then you just end up pissy and not really in the mood to memorialize a loved one. we got to the cemetery and went to stand by the headstone. it's actually a pretty cool little cemetery out in the middle of nowhere. although at night, i bet it's totally creepy. mom is good not to make me stay for very long. there really isn't much you can do there. but as we were getting in the car, i noticed that there was a penny on my seat. it wasn't there before, the car was clean. i don't usually indulge in beliefs beyond what i can see, but i like to think it was his way of saying hello and that he's at least aware that he left us too quickly.

my uncle also found some video clips of him singing at family parties and such. i have mixed feelings about that. i had forgotten what his voice sounded like. i had forgotten what it was like to hang out with my dad. i'm grateful to have the memento, but it doesn't feel good. i still don't know about that.

i miss my dad terribly. i miss the way he would tickle my chin when he got home from work. i miss the way he would poke his head into my room at night and say, "i sure love you." i miss his pocket protector and how my face would smush into it when he hugged me. i miss the suspenders. i miss how he smelled. i miss the way my cats always loved him more than they loved me. i miss the way he would file things. whatever he could find, as long as it could be put into a manila folder (with a typed label of course) and filed, it was worth something. who knows, you may need that all important article on UFO's in the near future.

i'm angry that i never really got to have a grown up conversation with him or ask him certain questions. even if he had to make up the answer, he'd still have one. i'm angry that he told me that everything was going to be fine. even though he was hard to live with, i still wish he was here. tomorrow is my dad's birthday. he would have been 75 years old. three quarters of a century with more experience and wisdom than i can imagine at 29. i suppose that's why it's bugging me so much this year. 75 is a milestone. dad and mom would have been married 30 years this year. so many things that i feel like i should have been able to share with my parents. i would have bought him some kind of awesome tie and a shirt because he never bought anything for himself. he would have pretended that he didn't want a party, but would be in the middle of it all if we threw him one. he would break out the old spice for the special occasion. he would play the guitar. he was good at that.

A few things I've just got to say

So, I've been a political junkie since High School, and various aspects of this Presidential Election have been like a dream come true for me. Now with the nomination of Sarah Palin to the VP position on the Republican ticket, there are a few things that I just have to get off my chest. I am absolutely sick and tired of the "feminist establishment" out there telling me that because I happen to be a stay-at-home mom and pro-life that I am somehow NOT a feminist. They are now employing the same techniques to discredit my belief system that they themselves fought against for nearly 40 years. I am grateful to those strong women who have gone before me clearing the way for choices and freedoms I now enjoy that women before me would never have dreamed were possible. I happen to be incredibly lucky to have 2 amazing women as my mom and step-mom who helped me to believe that I could do anything and achieve anything. So, let me set the record straight with the "feminist establishment" (not that they would actually read this, but it sure does make me feel better). I am INDEED a feminist. To be more specific, I would consider myself to be a Cultural Feminist, meaning that I believe men and women are intrinsically different, but these differences and their contributions to society should be valued equally. So to Sarah Palin I say, you go girl! And to the so called establishment I say, take a look at the strong women I am priviledged to know who are raising sons to respect and revere womanhood, and daughters to embrace and be empowered by their womanhood, and you will have a glimpse of how these woman are literally changing the world in a way that your ranting, raving & protesting never will. Yes, these are the women who are changing the world, and I am proud to among them

Teton Valley Rocks!

We went up to visit Mike's parents this weekend. It had been way too long since our last visit, so all 5 of us were mighty excited to get to Grandma & Grandpa Ricks' house at the base of the Teton Mountains. Before I married Mike, my exposure to Idaho had pretty much been limited to the Pocatello area, which I didn't find all that exciting (sorry to all you Pocatello fans). I remember the first time I visited Mike's childhood home in Driggs, Idaho. We got there around midnight so I had no idea how incredibly BEAUTIFUL it was until I woke up the next morning. For those of you who have never been to Teton Valley - it is absolutely amazing. The beauty of the mountains surrounded by rolling farms and small towns is the best stress reliever that I have ever found. Mike and I joke that even the clocks run slower there. It has become as dear to my heart as my own hometown, and now I get to watch my children take advantage of all that it has to offer. For the entire weekend they filled their days with throwing rocks, riding horses with their Uncle Tim, and "swimming" in Grandma & Grandpa's hot tub. It is a beautiful, serene, and simple place. Visiting has always helped me to look at my life from a new perspective, and I always leave with a strong desire to SIMPLIFY! If you haven't been there, boy are you missing out!

First Day of Kindergarten

Today I sent my baby off to kindergarten. I couldn't decide whether to cry or giggle uncontrollably - so I just stared blankly at the school doors after walking her inside. What did I do with my four hours of complete, independent freedom? First things first, I went to lunch at the Paradise Bakery with my mom. (I must say that their crumbly blue cheese salad IS paradise!) Then it was off to Costco with no children in tow, and after putting away the groceries I took a nap. Yes, let me repeat that, I TOOK A NAP!! I did all of that while Kaitlyn was in kindergarten. No wonder I wanted to giggle uncontrollably - it's been 10 years since I've had that kind of freedom. I woke up from my nap as the bus was driving around the neighborhood dropping off children from school. I ran to the front porch and waited anxiously for Kaitlyn. I saw her come around the corner holding hands with her big sister in that cute little uniform, and what did I do? I started to cry.

Enough with the Chaos already!

School starts this week. I'm torn because I love being with my kids during the summer. NOTHING beats the combination of sunshine, laziness & giggling. But I can only handle the chaos summer brings for so long. Do you know what I mean? I started out the summer so organized with chore charts, summer homework and clipboards. About 3 weeks into it is when I feel myself submitting to the craziness - telling myself to just enjoy these summer moments and to go with the flow. For the "Type A" person that I am, it takes enormous mental effort to just go with the flow. Pretty sad, but still true. So by the end of the summer when absolutely everything that can possible be messy and cluttered in my house is now messy and cluttered I begin to worry a tad bit about my sanity. Seriously, I can barely make my way through my kids rooms, the playroom, and the garage. So I'm doing my best to not be running around like a crazy woman shouting, "enough with the chaos already!" I keep reminding myself that in a few weeks I will have the time to clean, organize, and straighten, and it honestly isn't going to kill me if I just let it go for now. Sometimes I just have a hard time believing. So I'm going to take a deep breath and keep trying to go with the flow.

The Most Miserable Joy

Okay, so Kassidy turned 10 years old this week and will be going into 5th grade. This is really freaking me out!!! I VIVIDLY remember 5th grade - I honestly thought that I was so old, and now that's how old my little girl is. Yesterday she came to me with tears in her eyes and she said, "Mom, I just feel so sad today and I don't know why." I almost said, welcome to the emotions of womanhood honey. But instead I just hugged her and we talked about it.

To celebrate her birthday, Kassidy and I took a special trip to Chicago. Yes, I'm a little crazy with the birthday thing, but I so wanted to take her to the American Girl Place and I knew that her interest in American Girl dolls wasn't going to last forever. So I spent 4 days just hanging out with my little Kassidy. We shopped (boy did we ever shop), we got room service, we ate tons of pancakes and pizza, and yes - we spent countless hours in the American Doll Place. She's my first, the one that taught me how amazing motherhood could be. Also, the one who offered me her unconditional love as I figured out what type of mother I wanted to be. I never knew that I would love being a mom this much, that I would love these three little people in a way that I could never have imagined. As I watch Kassidy grow (and Caleb & Kaitlyn), I feel like my heart is going to burst with pride, love, and sadness because it is going so quickly. As my mom says, it's, "the most miserable joy". It truly is.

Why the Rockin Ricks?

My cute children love to name things: their stuffed animals, paper towels (no kidding), and our cars. So I thought it was pretty cute when one day this summer, Caleb decided that we should be called the rockin ricks. All three kids agreed that was the perfect name for our family and I just had to grin. After all, I always holler "rock -n- roll, let's go!" when it's time for the kids to hop into the lovely family minivan (which is named "Princess" by the way). We listen to "We Will Rock You" at the start of any family adventure, such a trip to the lake or a museum. And ultimately, they've been subjected to many fine musical artitists such as ABBA, Queen, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, and yes even some AC/DC since birth. In fact, when Kaitlyn was 2 years old, she and I were driving around town and I turned on a country radio station. She immediately hollered, "No Mommy! I want Rock -n- Roll!" That's my girl! So the rockin ricks has stuck, for the summer at least. I hope it's here to stay, because it will always remind me of their sweet innocence!

Grandma Kathy turns 66!

My cute mom had her 66th birthday this week. In honor of that amazing little lady (she's shrinking - the doctor even confirmed it), I thought I'd write 6 things that my mom taught me that have helped me throughout this crazy adventure we call life.

1. No - my legs are NOT painted on! This was a phrase she used to throw at us when we were little and wanted to be lazy and make her do all of the work. Translation - you have legs that work so get up and use them. Use them to work hard, play hard and pray hard and you'll be at peace with who you are.


2. "Polyester Bendovers" work just fine! Ok, these were the pants my mom used to wear to work because she was in sales. She used to sell CANDY!! How cool is that when you are growing up. Anyway, her job required a lot of building displays and hauling candy and materials around and her polyester bendover pants (with the elastic waste) worked out just perfectly. Translation - It doesn't matter what brand of clothing you wear, what you drive, or where you live, it's what's inside of you that counts!


3. Honey, we're rich, we just don't have any money! Richness in life comes from what you make with the relationships you have, NOT by how much money you make. No translation needed on that one :).


4. She (or he) is doing the best that she can with the tools that she has! This one used to and still does gets repeated all of the time, and now I even find myself repeating it in my own mind. Translation - we need to be patient, understanding, and kind with one another. You never know what someone else is dealing with, and they usually are doing the best that they can. This one is still hard for me to remember sometimes. Sorry mom, I'll keep working on it.


5. Diet Coke runs rule! While I was growing up we used to make a run to the local Maverick (convenience store) ATLEAST once a week to get a diet coke together. We even had our own special orange "Mav Mugs" that we could wash at home and refill for 25 cents on our next diet coke run. We still do these to this day and I LOVE them! Translation - sometimes you just need a break, someone to talk to, cry with or laugh with. Who better than your own mom?


6. Laughter is the BEST Medicine! Anyone who knows my mom and has heard her laugh understands what I mean by this one, so no translation is needed here either!

Thanks mom! Happy Birthday!